I want to collect jokes.
- The people in Dubai don’t watch Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dabi Do!
- My boyfriend called me a pedophile today…I said “That’s a really big word for a 5 year old!”
- A man stormed up to his wife with a duck in his arms and said “See! This is the pig I’ve been fucking!” His wife said “That’s not a pig! It’s a duck you idiot!” The man replies “…I wasn’t talking to you!!”
Here’s one someone posted on facebook:
- 2 antenna’s got married. the ceremony was boring but the reception was awwwesome!!
- Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
…he didn’t have the guts too!
- A lady is knitting while driving.
A police officer drives along side of her and yells, “Pull over!”
She yells back, “No, cardigan!”
- (read this out loud) A man and a newt walk into a bar.
Tender says: what will you have?
Man says: I’ll have a big drink for me and a little drink for him.
Bartender says:why a little drink for him?
Man says: well, he’s my newt!
- A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.
“You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.
Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.
“Okay,” I said. ”You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I’m never gonna give you Up.
From Laura’s Dad -
- How do u know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? Anywhere else & it would be called the teethbrush!
Got any good ones for me??